Searching for that Something…

The train leaves in about an hour. It was nearing midnight. But I was not sleepy at all. I wondered if the journey that I’m going to take is worth the while.The heavy heart made me feel a bit reluctant to go, I guess. A journey to the east.

I am in a state of mess. My head is spinning with all the problems I faced. Furthermore, my savings is starting to dry up. I was at the bottom of the life cycle. I was contemplating how life has treated me. I had led an ‘easy’ life up until now. Then, without warning, all of a sudden everything came crushing down on me.

I needed a new hope to cling on to. A new motivation. A new ‘lease of life‘ to say the least. I was drowning and needed air.Enough just to breathe. I wasn’t asking for too much am I? So, I hurriedly packed the clothes that I needed and stuffed it into the hiking bag I bought at a car-boot sale a few months back. I took a deep breath, hoping it will make all my problems all go away.But it doesnt seem to budge any lesser. Looking properly at my bag for the first time,a surge of old memories flooded me. The thought of fun and joy at last years program, made me feel lighter in some ways.

SummerCamp 2007
SummerCamp 2007

I ran all the way to the train. I was just in time to board the train. I sighed a huge sigh of relief.As it was the national holiday (OBON holidays), the train was packed with people who wanted to go to Tokyo. Here I began the long journey to learn and instill back the missing links in my faith. I was heading to meet up with friends, old and new alike at the 2008 IPIJ SummerCamp. This year a renowned ustaz will be guiding us in our da’wah and will give talks at the camp.I am looking forward to this I must admit. I have read so many of his works.It really has touched my heart and the way I think in so many ways. I wondered how am I going to achieve a feat like he has?Am I capable of doing it? Doubts began to cloud my decisions.Confidence began to desert me. After so many ‘failures’ am I going to be able to get back on my feet again?

Asleep on the train

Sitting in the middle of the train.

I stood by the aisles of the moonlight train with a friend as the seats is fully reserved.As I bought the ticket late and bought a cheap ticket, I was hoping for empty to seats.Luck was on my side as there was 2 empty seats ‘made available’ for me and Asadulqalb. I duly sat beside a senior who happened to have two extra seats.It was originally for someone else but they didn’t show up on the day.Lucky for us, I guess.The journey to the rural part of Japan called Ibaraki proved not to be easy. We had to change trains about 5 times and the journey took 11 grueling hours in total!Along the way we met with the rest of the participants. And to my great surprise, I got a glimpse of this famous ustaz Hasrizal. My lips cracked for a while to greet him. He was every bit of what I had imagined of him.

I really hope this long trip will be worth the while.I hope I will find that ‘new lease of life’ at this year’s Summercamp.Hoping and searching for that elusive calmness in the heart.


<to be continued>

Author: Idris Mahzan

Grew up in the UK. Studied in Japan. Malaysian at heart.

9 thoughts on “Searching for that Something…”

  1. I think that is not the suitable place to mention my name at your entry.Should be at more bombastic phrases and words.Hihi,anyway,I appreciate it and make me can’t sleep tonight.Huhu.

    p/s:Let continue our journey to Yamagata and accomplish our big MISSION!! To Allah we lay our hopes..may success with us.Amin.

  2. Natsukashii na semua ni. Kalau ditakdirkan aku pergi dulu (pulang ke Malaysia), kenangan ini semua takkan pernah terpadam sampai bila-bila. Ukhwah itu manis, kan?

    p/s: Arkhh.. aku pejuang bahasa.
    Tak mau komen dalam inggeris.

  3. Hmm, all the best yeh.

    …And whosoever keepeth his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him, (2) And will provide for him from (a quarter) whence he hath no expectation. And whosoever putteth his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. Lo! Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah hath set a measure for all things. ( Surah At-Talaq : 2-3 )

    There’s so much assurance just to know, there is always a rainbow after the rain.
    ( Cuba tanya SangPelangi… 🙂 )

    PS: Aish, SangPelangi… Natsukashii na tu bahasa Jepun dik.. huhu

  4. May you be persistent in your work and every good deeds you do. Search for YOUR purpose of life!

    Ramadhan Mubarak!

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